16 March 2009

today was all in all a shitty day. i am hating everything about today. i want to go to sleep and wake up in a different world.

last night ryan basically told me we are never going to get married.
in July he promised he wouldnt go out without me anymore because our relationship was falling apart.. he has been out twice in the past week without me.. one night being tonight and the other night he lied to me about it.

i just dont know anymore. i feel like i may be wasting my time. i want to have a REAL life with a real man that loves me.. i am a good person and i deserve the best! i dont want to deal with this crap. after 7 yrs you know if you want to be with someone... obviously he is never going to grow up! so now i feel like i need to deal with this in my own way..

walk a sunday in my shoes

today i woke up with every intention on going to church. well when i woke up i realized how much my night sucked and i just wanted to roll back over and forget about everything. okay a recap of my night..
at 830p i walked outside to go get Liams blanket because he left it in the play area of our yard and there was some dude in my yard! what the crap! seriously people! so Ryan took a hike with his gun through the woods looking for this dude. when Ry first walked out he saw the dude but did not see him again when he got up to the woods. Dude took off. after being out there for like 20 mins looking Ryan came back in and ate dinner then we planned on going out. we left but after like 30 mins i got worried about Zachery being here with Liam. so we came home, thanks mystery dude for ruining my night! i wish Ry would have caught you!

Anyway so when i woke up this morning i just felt so sick to my stomach and so violated i didnt want to do anything. i played with Liam since Jada was at Angies and i hung out here til i went and did laundry. Around like 6 Liam and i went to Giant Eagle and got some ice cream and some cones. then came back here and waited for Jada to come home. Now i am just sitting here relaxing. both kids are in bed and Ryan went next door.